Worthy of Me
Last school year, I went through a series of studies for those who were interested in preparing for baptism. As the time for the baptism grew closer, it seemed like I was surrounded by difficulties. On three different occasions, I went home to ask my father’s permission to get baptized, but without success.
The last time, Father told me that if I really wanted to get baptized I should go and dive into a pond and then it would be over with. I came back to school, and it was almost time for the baptism. One by one, students added their names for baptism.
I really wanted to become baptized, but I thought again about my father’s words and I felt heartbroken. Our principal announced that anyone who wanted to be baptized should submit their names by Friday evening. All week, those who wanted to get baptized put down their names—all except me, because of the great struggle going on in my mind.
On Wednesday evening, we had a Bible study. After the study, all my friends stayed and signed their names on the list, but I quickly returned to the dormitory. I laid down on my face and thought about my dilemma. Should I follow the Lord Jesus? Or should I follow my family? My mind was churning with thoughts while many of the girls around me were sound asleep. I knelt and prayed to God, “Lord, You see all of my struggles. If You want me to follow You, please give me a clear answer tomorrow. Some people say that You don’t exist, but I don’t believe that. If You want me to follow You, please send something tomorrow that will comfort me and make my heart light again. If You do not answer my prayer, I will not become a Christian.”
As I prayed, tears rolled down my face. When I finished, I slipped into a very sweet sleep. At 5:00 am I went to read my Bible in the classroom where my schoolbooks were. On the top of my books, I saw a little letter. Someone had written something to me.
“I am praying for you. God wants you to have a light heart.” The note ended with a reference to Joshua 1:9. When I saw this little letter, I was so happy! I knew that God truly exists and that He wanted me to follow Him.
On Thursday, I added my name to the baptismal list and I was baptized. I was so happy! The only worry on my mind was what my family would say, but I didn’t feel discouraged.
When school was let out and my friends went home, I sent home the news that I had been baptized. Later, when I went home and my father saw me, he did not call me his child; he called me “white foreigner.” And then he spoke to me about baptism. After that, he never said anything more, and I knew that he didn’t love me very much anymore.
His wife told me, “Among your siblings, your father loved you the most. However, he was very disappointed in you because you disobeyed and got baptized instead of listening to his voice. If you want to go somewhere or do something, he will not approve of it.” She also added, “There is nothing to the Bible. It has been done away with for a thousand years. You worship your God, but you can’t see Him. Christians don’t have peace, and that is why we will have to separate. You can’t worship other gods, but we can worship any god.” Still, I was not discouraged; nothing seemed to affect me.
At that time, I wanted to go to my brother, but my father and his wife did not approve. “If you go to your brother, you will have to bow down and worship him. If you don’t, you will look shameful. If you are not ashamed, I will be very ashamed.”
I said, “I will go. I will not be ashamed.” When I arrived, my brother told me to bow down three times, but I did not bow down. I told him that I was baptized now. My brother asked, “Who told you to get baptized?” I told him, “It was my own choice.” I know that my brother loves me very much. He bought me shoes and clothing and I am very happy.
When I returned home from seeing my brother, my step-mother asked me, “So did your brother love you?”
“Yes,” I said, “he loves me. He gave me what I needed.” She didn’t look pleased and didn’t speak to me again.
Every day I went and worked in the fields. At one point, my father told me that he would give me the money for my return trip and for personal things that I needed. I was very happy. While at home, I was tested in different ways. I was expected to give the daily rice offering, and I was to do different animist rituals. But I refused. My father and step-mother were very angry with me. They called me a name that means “a person who dives into the water.”
The time for my return to school drew near and I had finished working in the fields. It was Sabbath, so I rested, and my father was angry. He no longer wanted to give me the supplies and money I needed for my return to school.
I was to leave on Monday. On Saturday night I had nothing for the trip and I prayed to God, “Please, send me the money for my trip.” I was sure that my father wouldn’t give me anything, and in the morning, after I finished packing, my uncles and aunts came and gave me money. It was enough for the trip! I was so happy and astonished. I knew that God had sent the money for me and I thanked Him.
On Monday morning, when I was going to leave, I came to the front of the house. I was going to go down the stairs when my father said, “I will not give you any money anymore. If I wanted to I could, but because you did not listen to my voice, I will not give you any more.”
At that moment, I realized that my father didn’t love me like before, and I became very discouraged. While I hiked up the mountain trail, my heart was heavy with sadness. When I got to the road, I waited for a car, but none came and I continued to walk.
While traveling, I became sick with a fever, and I couldn’t go on anymore. All I wanted to do is lay down on the side of the road. All my friends left me and went on, and I was left with my cousin and a little boy.
In my heart I prayed that my worries would disappear and God answered my prayer. All my worries did disappear, and then I got my strength back and I could walk. I was very hungry, so I used some of the bus fare money for food. When I got to Mae Tha Wah, across the river in Thailand, our school principal picked us up, along with several other students.
I am very happy now that I am back at school safely and my teachers love me very much. The best and biggest thing is that God loves me the most and saved me when I needed help. I pray that someday my father will call me his child again, and he will love me like before.
By Dah Ku Say of Thailand, as told to Sharon Steck. Sharon serves, along with her family, at Sunshine Orchard Children’s Home and Learning Center in Thailand. To learn more and provide support, go to: www.missions.thesteckfamily.com.